Chronically Shy to
an Empowered Healer
I grew up on a dairy farm, 7 miles from a small town called Dargaville, in Northland, New Zealand. I was one of five children to first generation kiwis of Yugoslav decent.
From the time I was little, I was a chronically shy and insecure child, full of fear, who had difficulty coping with life away from family existence.
Living on the farm though was an awesome experience; a wonderful place for a sensitive child to grow-up in. I spent years walking with our little dog, connecting with the trees and the land, in my own space, detached from the outside world.
Leaving school, I started work and finally like most of my generation, the big O.E. called. Despite all my fears and worries, I packed my bags and headed for London. Back in “those” days, it was easy for a travelling kiwi to work in England and I settled into a “down-under flat” in Acton, one of the outer suburbs of London. I adored it there and discovered a passion for travelling and photography which is still with me today! Camera in hand, I wondered the city streets, parks, markets and museums. I loved tripping around Europe and England and felt more alive than I had ever felt before.
A few years later, this reluctant traveller headed home with a kiwi man in tow, tied the knot and settled down in domesticity. For years, I regretted our decision to return home as living and working in Europe had had such a profound impact on me and my life as I knew it. My saving grace was that I did love working in law, initially as a secretary and then as a legal executive before retiring, in my early 30’s following the birth of my first child.
Although it is generally thought that motherhood is a natural role for a woman, this wasn’t so in my case. Although I loved my kids passionately, I found the whole mothering experience very stressful and felt very much out of my league! On the outside it appeared I was handling life but inside I was a mess! Fear still governed me and I had a natural ability to stress and worry and over time, this started to really impact on my emotional and physical health.
Over time, the starting point was joint pains which moved into continual colds and flues, a run-down immune system and an overwhelming sense of tiredness that would not go away. The medical world provided no solutions with my doctor finally acknowledging he couldn’t help and suggesting I looked elsewhere!
Realising that my children too were suffering from similar health problems, I wowed to find an answer because I could not leave such a legacy of "ill-health" to my children! The recovery of our "health and wellbeing" became the most important issue in my life and I spent the next few years passionately exploring “alternative health” - herbs, homeopathy and essences. I loved it all and found a joy in its discovery!
Despite all that I had learned over time, my own health (and the kids) still troubled me. I knew there had to be something more; another answer to what was happening in my own life and theirs. Then life intervened and through a series of coincidences, I was lead to an energy healer. I was so innocent that I had no understanding of what she did as she stood beside me on the table, waving her hands about as she worked within my energy field! All I knew was that when I hopped off the table, joy like I had never experienced before cursed through me taking me into the most beautiful space of peace and tranquillity. I felt amazing! So, so happy and wonderfully relaxed! I floated home in a euphoric state. Three days later I emotionally crashed and hit rock bottom! In my desperation, I turned back to her again and that started me on this journey into energy healing that I am on today.
I now know that I was in what is termed today “unconsciousness” or “an unconscious state”. I had emotionally switched off, detached from my feelings and had such a low "life-force" that it was a miracle that I ever got through my day! Much to my amazement, the energy healing kept working and week by week, I clawed my way back. Over time my life-force, physical health and, more important, my sense of wellbeing started improving. Finally, I plucked up the courage to ask if I could bring my children to see her so that she could work her "magic" on them and was shattered when she refused! She offered instead to teach me… a day course for parents to learn how to heal their own children. As I would do “anything” to assist them, of course I agreed!
When the course came around, I learnt the moves by rote and came home totally unconvinced that I could ever “do that stuff”. But, as I lay there listening to my daughter coughing as she did most nights, I knew I just had to try it! I went to her and carried out the simple healing technique that I had been taught! Finishing the healing, without much hope, I went back to bed. A few minutes later, much to my amazement, she stopped coughing! I waited and waited and waited. Finally the reality of it hit home - it worked!!!! Needless to say, I cried for hours - tears of joy! As the euphoria surged through me, I realised that I had found my life purpose and that knowing has been with me to this day!
Following that time, I attended her other healing and self-development courses. I journeyed hard, becoming consciously aware of my connection to Source and explored my own life and past lives to gain insight and understanding into who I was and what made me the way I am! Much to my amazement, I discovered I was a “natural healer”, an “intuitive” and committed my life to “living” and through “living”, serving Spirit and assisting humanity on its journey at this time.
It is with great joy that I can acknowledge that my health and emotional wellbeing today is pretty amazing and is now virtually restored! I have finally settled and got rid of the chronic fears that troubled me throughout most of my life. I am peaceful (most of the time) and have found a passion for living that I had been unable to embrace oh so long ago!
Just as important, I have been able to use my life experiences to assist others to "heal" and move away from fear and find their own empowerment! My intuitive "abilities" over time have kept expanding and expanding allowing me to offer profound assistance to people who seek my help. My demons are very much at rest and I am now loving and embracing motherhood and the wonderful relationship that I have with my two daughters (and grandchildren). I am still a passionate traveller (who yearns to travel more) and I channel any spare creativity into photography that I love!